Before Surgery

…in 2013. Before surgery, I had dieted much of my life and tried various fad diets. You know the ones that indicate results could be achieved so easily if you just did…. fill in the blank. Sounds easy right? You throw away all of the “junk” food in the house and you go to the market with the goal of only buy healthy food. Let’s start on Monday!

Does this sound familiar?

That was me for what was probably decades if I was honest. I remember being on a diet when I was 10 years old. I’ve always loved food and trying new things. Growing up on a farm with my dad working two jobs, we basically ate what was available. Some days that meant there was no milk for cereal. We had a very large and lush garden, and I loved every bit of summer in Michigan. That meant sunshine, barefoot running through the grass, and fresh garden veggies. I guess I was considered overweight for a 10-year-old. I remember seeing the scale at 130 pounds and I was 5’3″ and I remember being on a diet and having to watch what I ate. I couldn’t have seconds at supper and often took canned mushrooms in my lunch box with a sandwich. Why do I remember the mushrooms? While I liked them, the kids would tease me for having a cup of straight up canned mushrooms. I would have preferred them inside my sandwich or as part of spaghetti. During this time, I knew I looked puffier than some kids, but I didn’t think I was fat. That’s not what I was told though. Although her heart was in the right place, my mom would always warn me before I ate something that it would make me fat and I needed to slow down. Yep, at 10 years old. If I put the numbers in a chart today, it would not be considered fat. I reached the height of 5’5″ at 12 and stopped there. My weight fluctuated over the years. I remained active doing some conditioning and weight training in high school. I still loved food and would enjoy every chance I got. I was always bigger than most of my friends, but never really thought of myself as fat; I just had a larger frame. I still had shape. In fact, I remember taking my measurements for the first time in high school as I was fit for a cheer uniform. I had 36″ chest, 26″ waist, and 36″ hips. If you just thought of the 90s rap song “Baby got back”, then you are my people, and we should be friends. I wish I were that size today.

During college, I did gain the “freshman 15” pounds and found myself hovering near the 200-pound mark for the first time in my life. Things were a blur from there. I got into a relationship, graduated from college, got married, had my first son all by 26. I was heavier at around 230 pounds. I loved to celebrate with food. It was what we did as kids. Celebrations meant I could eat all the food. When we didn’t celebrate anything, I had to watch what I ate. I imagine by now some therapist has latched to this as a textbook case and it’s probably true. I wondered if all the bad habits and poor relationship with food could be reversed. It seemed as difficult as someone trying to quit smoking. I watched my dad try to quit several times over the years and yet he always went back during high stress times. His vice was cigarettes; mine was food. Of course, I drank alcohol and tried cigarettes in college. They never really became a vice for me.

Life went on and then in 2007 I was diagnosed with cancer. I remember the day like it was yesterday. How could it be possible? Why was this happening? How could I get cancer? I had all of the questions. It was about a month before my son turned 2 and I was so afraid of chemotherapy that I told the doctors they had to wait until after his birthday before I would start injecting poison into my body. We had a big celebration for his birthday, got family pictures done, and I geared up for the big chemo day. It wasn’t so bad, but I handled the nausea with more food. Grilled cheese and tomato soup. My favorite “sick day” food that my mom would make me. Why not chicken noodle? Because I liked tomatoes better. All the carbs and pre-packaged foods helped my stomach feel not so sick after chemo treatments.

In 2009, I was cancer free and ready to have another baby. I still saw the oncologist often and asked if it was possible. He said the chances of me getting pregnant were small, like 15%. I focused on living a cancer free life, watching my son grow, and leveling up at work. Life went on and after moving into a rather small house that was located in my desired school district, I was pregnancy again. I gained an appropriate amount of weight (ha!)… 50 more pounds.

The years went on and before I knew it, our baby girl was 3. My weight continued to fluctuate, and I continued to try random diets before finding a bariatric surgeon. Others in my family had the bypass surgery and were seeing remarkable results. I was jealous, but didn’t want the restriction of a stomach that was 2 tablespoons. I wanted to still be able to enjoy food.

My marriage was on the rocks and things only got worse at the same time that I found myself deeper in depression, near 300 pounds, and wishing for a better life. I decided enough was enough on all fronts. I was tired of the husband and his family constantly making jokes about my weight and feeling so sluggish that I couldn’t keep up with my kids. I was great at faking happiness, so no one knew of my plans to get surgery and leave except my very best friend of 25+ years.

In December 2013, I got vertical gastric sleeve surgery. I had surgeries before, because of the cancer, and they were easy for me to recover from. This was different. Because half my stomach was surgically removed and I was only left with a stomach that held about 8 ounces, and my body had to adjust. To protect the stitching of the stomach, I had to only drink liquid protein shakes for 3 whole months. Yep, that’s it. 6 shakes per day was the limit; the equivalent of roughly 900 calories. That was just enough calories and nutrients that I needed to survive. The next 3 months were…brutal.

BariatricPal has my favorite products to use before and after surgery.